Everybody Loves Ezreal
by Giannoulias
Summary: Who knew the Prodigal Explorer could be so prone to jealousy? Rated M for Mindless Mockery. Spinoff parody-type-thing of a certain story involving Draven...


**Author's notes: **This is a spinoff of The World Draven Only Knows, which was written by the wonderful and talented Kneesurgery and can be found at

/s/8695398/1/The-World-Draven-Only-Knows

I highly recommend you go read that so you will understand what the hell is going on in this fic. This story is completely unaffiliated with that one. I didn't tell him I was going to write this, and if/when he sees it, I Garen-tee he isn't going to like it... To everyone else, please do not take this seriously, it's stupid and totally crack-y and is meant to be humorous, so hopefully it's just god-awful enough to give you a bit of a laugh. (and if it doesn't, i blame kobu for convincing me to publish it) Enjoy!

* * *

Ezreal the Prodigal Explorer was just going about his daily business when he overheard an interesting conversation in the hallway.

"You've bedded two women already? I will never know how you manage to do these things so effectively."

"It's just 'cause I'm so good. Indeed, you should dwell on it too much."

"I'm starting to worry I may actually lose this bet."

"Hey, don't sweat it. There's no shame in losing to a master."

What were they talking about? Bet? Women? Ezreal's insatiable thirst for knowledge (and Draven) would not let him simply walk away, so he stood by and waited for Darius to leave so he could talk to Draven alone.

"Draven."

"Oh, hey, Blondie."

"What was all that talk about women and a bet?"

"Oh, that?" Draven chuckled uncomfortably. "My bro made a bet with me that I couldn't sleep with every woman in the League. It's going pretty well so far!"

Ezreal pouted and put his hands on his hips. "Don't tell me you were gonna leave me out?"

Draven swallowed nervously. "What do you mean?" but he didn't really have to ask. He knew Ezreal was a greedy little whore and that he rolled both ways. He didn't need a map to explore his sexuality. This conversation train was speeding toward a place Draven definitely hadn't bought tickets to. Time to hop offboard.

"Oh would you look at the time, I have, uh . . . something important I gotta do."

"But Draven," whined Ezreal, "Don't you think I'm pretty?" he batted his long eyelashes at the Glorious Executioner and put on his best puppy dog eyes.

"No!" shouted Draven, turning red. "I won't have sex with you! Draven's makin' an exit!" and then he took off running in the other direction as fast as he could, which was pretty fast. Ezreal stood there with his arms folded, staring at Draven's sexy ass while he ran away. How could he get Draven to fuck him? Wait, he had an idea! A devious grin crept across his face and he quickly scurried back to his room.

* * *

The next day, a new champion was introduced to the League. It was a girl, hot, as usual. She was short and blond and had a nice figure, and all the other champions gathered around to introduce themselves, especially Draven.

"This one's hot," he told his brother Darius as they watched her bat her long eyelashes at everyone. "This one is definitely next on my list." to his delight, the pretty girl locked eyes with him and waved adorably at him. She totally wanted the D - which stood for Draven, of course. Wait, no, not Draven. Draaaaaaaven.

"Hey girl hey," Draven greeted her confidently. She smiled and blushed and giggled cutely but didn't say anything. "So are you gonna be at the bar later? Cuz I'm gonna be there and I was thinking maybe I could buy you a drink or something and then we could go back to my place and do the upside-down-sideways cha-cha." Subtle? Draven didn't do subtle. "So? What do you say?"

"Sounds fun," the girl giggled in a voice so ridiculously high it almost sounded fake. "I'm in! I really loosen up when I get drunk!"

"Not too much I hope," said Draven with a wink. The blond girl giggled again. "Well, Draven out," and with that they both parted ways.

* * *

Sure enough, later at the bar when Draven walked in, there was the blond girl sitting alone at the counter. He immediately went up and sat beside her. She had two empty glasses in front of her and was already hiccupping gleefully when he arrived.

"Hey cutie," she said in her high voice when he sat down next to her. Draven probably could have talked her into bed right then, but he'd feel like a scumbag if he didn't have a few drinks too, so he ordered some shots and downed them quickly. He couldn't wait to get him some of dat poon tang.

After he was good and buzzed, he grabbed her hand and led her back to his room. This was gonna be great. She giggled the whole way there and neither of them could walk straight, but somehow they managed to get to his room okay. As soon as Draven had shut the door behind them, the girl grabbed him and threw him down on the bed and then proceeded to give him the best blow job of his life and guzzled all his Noxian cum.

"That was amazing!" shouted Draven.

"It's all skill," the blond girl giggled.

Draven was ready for round two already. "Can we have sex now?"

"Sure," the blond girl said in her high-pitched voice, "but I have something to tell you first." and then she lifted up her pretty blue dress and showed Draven that she had a dick!

"What the fuck Ezreal!" he shrieked. "Just seriously what the fuck!"

"Hey come on," Ezreal pouted, having dropped the stupid fake high-pitched voice. "It was great, wasn't it? I mean . . ." his voice slid back into the high pitched tone and he turned around and bent over to show Draven his supple ass. "I'll still let you fuck me. Come on, it's time to get our hands dirty!"

After a mere moment's hesitation, Draven's drunk mind and hard cock got the better of him and they had wonderful passionate sex for hours until they both passed out.

* * *

When Draven woke up sober and saw Ezreal in his bed, he gasped and dumped him on the floor, rudely awakening the explorer.

"What the fuck Draven?!"

"Dude, get out of my bed!"

"I thought we had something special! That's why you closed your eyes last night wasn't it?"

Ezreal grabbed his clothes and ran sobbing down the hallway. Did that make three? Draven shrugged. Sure, why not?


End file.
